What is the "Rainbow Passage"?/and keeping friends

I don't know about the rainbow passage. I have heard David and Kristina mention it. It sounds like a standard paragraph that covers a series of vowels. I would like to have it please! so I can do my tests.

I practically live with my little recorder.........When I do some of my exercises and I am real energized, upbeat and talk with enthusiasm, smile a lot, and articulate with animation........my voice seems much better. when I fall into my normal conversation mode.....all ----breaks loose........actually "tight" !!!

I had the opening reception of my art show last night. Before going, I had meditated...really practiced with my bag of tricks, and made my voice into a certain pitch that works for me. My voice sounded great....for a little while. Then it got really crowded and louder and louder and the jazz musicians started.

It was such a fun filled night.......but my voice started to tighten and I could hardly talk or be heard. It was so demoralizing. Here there were, all these people wanted to meet " the artist!" I looked beautiful and alluring...... until I opened my mouth!!

One of my friends who had not seen me for long time said, "you have a bad cold too huh" ?........ I just had to say that no I just have a hard time projecting.

Anyway .....thanks for listening and being there for me. I think my husband is getting sick of listening to me being depressed about my voice and being so consumed with it.

Then there was after the show party. Went to a restaurant/bar. First we were seated in a quieter place, then a couple came in sat next behind us and each opened up their new pack of cigarettes......with ritualistic pleasure! the smoke filled the environment within minutes, and my throat closed up. So my good friend who knows me well, suggested we move. We took all of our stuff and went to a new table.........Then the food came, my soup was too spicy and after the first spoonful, my throat closed up again, so my husband kindly switched plates with me. I felt so limited and felt like such a pansy, such a bother! I think friends are going to get sick of me because I am the limiting factor as far where I can go, where I have to sit, what I have to eat! on and on...

Sometimes I think, I'd give anything to bust through this constriction!
I walk around and say it's so unfair that just plain ------- talking has to be such a struggle!! weep. ..............Thanks, goly

Thanks...found it! Here is the "Rainbow Passage".

I'm actually planning to go out with two friends in about a week and one of them said when she told me she wanted me to come "and yeah,
yeah, yeah, I know. No smoke. and no loud places." But if I left
finding a place to her, it would be loud. I can almost guarantee
that!
It drives me nuts too and no it's not fair that
simple conversation/socializing at work/eating out has to be so darn tiring, but there's
not much we can do about it! I was at a huge wedding-type party
yesterday and eventually just dragged some of my cousins into the
lobby to talk. They were fine with that. I had a great time.

One thing I've started doing is saying "I know, it doesn't make sense to me that when I walk outside or walk into a restaurant or try
to project my voice over noise, I cannot be heard, but that's just what happens. So I can see why it doesn't make much sense to
you." I told one of my friends that the other day and she seemed
to understand. You could always try something like that.

I'm aware that it's not always possible to set up a situation
so that you'll be able to converse, but in some instances you can make accomodations. Hopefully your friends will follow along. It's
a little more difficult with work situations, but even there
you can be honest and just say you cannot project your voice
in such and such a situation. That's the way it is.

I know what you mean when you say that you think people may be
sick of your being depressed and consumed with this disorder.
I feel that way myself sometimes. And the reality is that
this is quite consuming. I've actually found it much
more helpful to talk through some of those issues (depression,
or constantly thinking about having a voice problem) with
others affected by SD than with my friends and family. I think it's hard for people (outsiders) to realize how consuming something like this can
be. While SD does affect the people around us (like your husband) in that it's
probably more difficult for them to communicate with us, they still have the ability to communicate with everyone else in their lives
with ease and we do not. So it does and (and should not) "consume"
others as much. Perhaps that's part of the reason why it's hard
for others to see how consuming this can be at times.

Anyway, sorry if I don't have any specific advice or solutions, but I can certainly tell you that your feelings and experiences are
very real and many of us SD affected people can probably relate.

Laurie and other friends who sent me private email,....that helps, Thank you. Thank you so much for understanding and being there for me. This whole social factor of SD is something that needs to be explored and addressed. The feelings are deep and I don’t think people who don’t have it truley understand how emotionally and psychically consuming it is.

I have always been such a cheerful, upbeat, and bubbly personality that it is hard to adjust to this change. Laurie you did have some great words of encouragement and suggestions. I think talking about my voice constantly, to friends and especially my husband is becoming very boring and unhealthy. I need to work it out internally and with my BB friends.

I am gold you understand and share you ways of dealing with this constant element with me. I am able to maintain a positive out look for a long time......and then I jut sometimes give, and feel depressed about the reality of how my life has changed hits me hard.

Since I have a very wacky immune system and react strongly to so many things, I have made the choice not to try Botox, for now it does not make sense to me, and I am not sure I have the neurological kind of SD. MY symptoms are like SD and most of the time like MTD.

Most of the time breathing and exercises work for me, but I do have so many requirements. I can’t go anywhere where there are cats, cigarette smoke, any kind of chemical cleaners, Even when the wait people in restaurants clean the table with fantastic or something, I get choked up. But I think the enviornment is polluted and other people are just tougher but we are not born to be able to tolartate all this smoke and toxicity.

I do think that I have environmental allergies! and an over active immune system. but it is how I am I can’t do much about it. A bee sting, or contact with poison oak sends me to doctors office!! I think if my husband know 20 years ago what would happen to me he would have thought about twice.

I sometimes feel like I just want to withdraw and live in a cabin in the woods and not have to deal with any of it. But ... The thing is I am very social and love my friends and being at parties and going out.

I need to figure out ways of telling people around me about my needs to enlist their help, without feeling like a burden or being too apologetic about it. may be it is more my problem than others. For them talking is no big deal they just open and it flows , but I have to think about it with each breath.

I have become very sensitive and I am afraid I might mess up my marriage by being so angry and frustrated and depressed and moody. My husband said he knows that I am having trouble with my voice, but why such a change in who you are?? You are acting so distraught !! I don’t think he understand how deeply it has affected my self image.

I am working from a book that Marilyn suggested. It is called “ set your voice free” by Roger Love. I am finding it very useful, mostly to people who have Muscle tension dysphonia.

Thanks for all the support to my friends out there, You do understand! Goly

Another thing I find helpful is just being honest about some of the
emotional stuff with other people. I agree though that people
unaffected by SD can never "get" it. When you wrote "it's more my problem,
than it is theirs" I hope you only meant it's harder for you
to deal with. It's great if your friends and family (husband) can
make accomodations. Good friends and mates should!

Don't feel guilty about being upset and distraught. There is no
system to figuring out how to make this fit in our lives perfectly.
It gets easier, but it doesn't disappear.

You do sound as you like to have fun and I imagine you remember to do that too! I know the "living in a cabin" feeling, or "let me just get a job where I don't have to come in contact with ANYONE."
But I also know that I love being with people even when it's so
emotionally tiring when I'm having a hard time communicating.

While I was at this party last night (my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary) I could not speak over the noise in the reception/dance area unless I went right up to someone's face, but I could dance
with my little cousins, watch people, and seriously have a great time.

Be sure to take some emotional time "off" from worrying about how
you're dealing with this and if you're dealing with it the right way.
That has helped me a bit. First, there's worry over the situation,
then worry if you're dealing with it the "right" way, or are
upset enough but not *too* upset, etc. It can get out of hand! :)
I try not to feel guilty about being upset sometimes.

N E way, I've also always been super-sensitive to smoke, cats, noise, smelly things (even those plug-it-in outlet covers I used
to steal from the outlets and throw away when my roommates
left! ha!) in the environment. Maybe it's not that common,
but you're not crazy or anything.

Good luck with everything.

It will take some time before I know how the jaw surgery will help my voice. I will try to keep you all posted on the progress there. In theory, the muscle tension that I believe caused the voice and breathing problems should be reduced by jaw realignment, bringing even more relief to my voice and throat than even the TMJ treatment (with a bite guard) did previously.

Did I post the sites with information I found on MTD (muscle tension dysphonia)? I don't remember. The home page on the site is www.voice-center.com/ There are links there to some articles about MTD - one about the speech aspect and one about breathing manifestations. I had both problems. The breathing problems I had would come whether or not I was trying to speak because the vocal cords would try to close inappropriately when I breathed.

I return to work tomorrow for the first time since my surgery (which was Dec. 14.) I am the piano player for our local high school choir. I think I can handle that. If I was teaching (as I used to before my voice and breathing problems) I don't think I would be ready. I still have a lot of numbness in my lips, face and mouth and I wouldn't want to have to stand in front of a class right now!

Happy New Year to everyone!

I have also noticed some people keep clearing their throat as I speak. I don't even know that they are aware of it. I think it is bothering them to listen to a gravely voice.
anyway thanks for all......I am hanging in there and trying to cope the best I can.

My ENT a while back had suggested that I have nose surgery to open the inside passages of my nose. Thinking that my allergies are causing too much mucus and they are settling on the vocal cords and causing irritation. I am more of the belief that I my diaphragm is weak and my lungs don't expand properly or I can't control the amount air smoothly.
I wonder if anyone has tried that, or if there is really a connection.?

It is such a complex disorder and so different for each individual. I hope I will find some answers.....cause life is very unpleasant with it.

I know I need to perk up pretty soon, because I am not much fun to be around when I am moping around and my husband sure seems tired of this never ending problem. It not like breaking a leg or something.

You mentioned the diaphragm. I may have mentioned it before, but back when I was having my problems a biofeedback therapist recommended diaphragmatic training. She suggested I get on my excercise bike but at a slow pace - not enough to get me out of breath - and that I gradually work up to an extended period of time. I did this until I was on the bike for 45 minutes 3 times a week. During this exercise I paid close attention to how I was breathing - good, deep, diaphragmatic breaths. I expanded the area below my ribs on inhalation (no shallow chest breathing) and made sure I was sitting up straight. I really think this helped me by strengthening my diaphragmatic muscles. Also reduction of muscle tenstion through TMJ treatment helped (with a bite guard.)

I'm hoping you find some answers that really help you soon.