Answer to Kristina on One's Greatest Asset

During my life, I've had the reputation of being a "communicator" through my work, through my songs, through my powerful voice. It was that voice that led me to be one of the top account managers in the last three companies I've worked. That voice was the key to afford me life's riches that became my lifestyle. As a singer, that voice gave me pleasure as an entertainer, giving pleasure to others through the music that I loved. That voice won me three television host jobs at three different TV stations, it gave me acting and commercial gigs, and a singing engagement in the S.F. Fairmont Hotel.

My doctors tell me that I will never sing again. I'm told by those same doctors that I will eventually have a good speaking voice that will be loud enough for me to work with people, hopefully in sales, the only type of work I've ever known. It's been five months since my surgery with Dr. Berke, and I had hoped to be back at work by now. I'm not averse to learning a new trade, but time is of the essence. I've gone through so much of my savings already.

Kristina, if a concert pianist loses his fingers, he would say he has lost his greatest asset. If a Olympic skater loses his legs, he/she would say they've lost their greatest asset. It's all relative. And until you've walked in another's moccasins, you cannot tell them to refocus their strengths and assets, for only they know who they are as told to them from their inner wisdom. There is no question that I have lost my greatest asset. It is the toughest challenge of my life to learn to live without the natural voice of my being, and to welcome and embrace the surgically created voice I now bear.

Maya Angelou said, "There are many incidents which can eviscerate the stalwart and bring the mighty down. In order to survive, the ample soul needs refreshments and reminders daily of its right to be and to be wherever it finds itself." I'm doing well, but as "every man moves to the sound of his own drummer," I still reserve the right to grieve for my lost voice until the time is right for me to move on.
-Joan

I think we all in this BB fully understand and share the depth of your loss. You have the right to grieve, as we all do, but the longer you do it, the more it will continue hurting you. You are in a situation that you can't change now, but what you can do is choose how you will feel about it from now on. You had gifts most of us will never have, so I think you should be thankful for them. I believe God has a perfect plan in each of our lives and maybe He wants you to find other hidden treasures that you would have never looked for if you hadn't gone through this.

Steven R. Covey says:

"Difficult circumnstances often create paradigm shifts, whole new frames of reference by which people see the world and themselves and others in it, and what life is asking of them."
"We all have known individuals in very difficult circumstances, perhaps with a terminal illness or a severe physical handicap, who maintain magnificent emotional strenght. How inspired we are by their integrity! nothing has a greater, longer, lasting impression upon another person that the awareness that someone has transcended suffering, has transcended circumstance, and is embodying and expressing a value that inspires and ennobles and lifts life."

Hope this helps,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I was so sad to learn that you lost your voice at such a young age. I'm lucky that I had my voice for 59 years. Please know that I'm grateful for that. I'm sorry that people misunderstood what I wrote. In no way do I pity myself, nor am I wallowing in my sorrow. Far from it. I have an active life with my family, granddaughter and friends. I ski and go dancing often.

Most people think I'm 45 since I neither look or act my age. For this I'm grateful. I have a lot to be thankful for, and know that I have been blessed with many gifts. I do have the right to be sad that I lost my geatest gift. I do think some people misunderstand the word "grieve," thinking it's self-indulgent. But that which isn't fully grieved, cannot be released. Grieving is a healthy part of moving through a loss, whether it be the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the loss of one's voice. If you don't go through this period, you can have difficulty later on in life.

People say to me that I should be thankful that I have not lost a limb, or my eye sight or something more vital! I say yes I am thankful. But loss of speech and ability to communicate is much greater than many understand. Our lives have been altered as a result of SD. It is with us with every breath and every utterance.

Many of us have been assertive, communicators and have been in leadership roles.

In your case your voice was your greatest asset and that led you to be one of the top account managers. And as a singer your voice brought you and people around you pleasure. You were able to share your art and your love through music and voice.

Learning a new trade is very difficult at our age. It is not impossible, but we wish we did not have to make that change. Because we all need money and it would be more fun to make money doing what we are good at and have been successful with in the past. So I do think it is a very difficult adjustment. For some of us a bigger challenge, depending on the severity of our case and the impact it has on our social and professional lives. You had mentioned Maya Angelou! did you know she did or could not speak for about five years............I think it was related to something different than we are dealing with. If I remember correctly it happened after she was raped as a young child by the boyfriend of her mother!

Any way, my reason for writing to you is to say I do understand and each of us has the right to grieve in our own pace. Grieving is a healthy process so long as we are in touch with where we are. It seems like you have a good balance of physical exercise and fun while being proactive.

I know that some of my friends and a few people on this BB may be wondering about why I am still searching for a cause and searching for a cure. Some may think I am still in denial or think I would be better off to accept my SD and realize there is no cure and move on. My answer is that I am moving....... on and my path of choice and it is different from the generally accepted way of dealing with this condition. And I still have hope!

So, What ever helps you deal with the loss is what you need to do. People mean well when the comfort us and share their ideas. I am thankful to those who respond to me, because it shows they care and they understand, and they try to be helpful and share their experiences and knowledge. I am glad we have each other on this BB.

People say to me that I should be thankful that I have not lost a limb, or my eye sight or something more vital! I say yes I am thankful. But loss of speech and ability to communicate is much greater than many understand. Our lives have been altered as a result of SD. It is with us with every breath and every utterance.

Many of us have been assertive, communicators and have been in leadership roles.

In your case your voice was your greatest asset and that led you to be one of the top account managers. And as a singer your voice brought you and people around you pleasure. You were able to share your art and your love through music and voice.

Learning a new trade is very difficult at our age. It is not impossible, but we wish we did not have to make that change. Because we all need money and it would be more fun to make money doing what we are good at and have been successful with in the past. So I do think it is a very difficult adjustment. For some of us a bigger challenge, depending on the severity of our case and the impact it has on our social and professional lives. You had mentioned Maya Angelou! did you know she did or could not speak for about five years............I think it was related to something different than we are dealing with. If I remember correctly it happened after she was raped as a young child by the boyfriend of her mother!

Any way, my reason for writing to you is to say I do understand and each of us has the right to grieve in our own pace. Grieving is a healthy process so long as we are in touch with where we are. It seems like you have a good balance of physical exercise and fun while being proactive.

I know that some of my friends and a few people on this BB may be wondering about why I am still searching for a cause and searching for a cure. Some may think I am still in denial or think I would be better off to accept my SD and realize there is no cure and move on. My answer is that I am moving....... on and my path of choice and it is different from the generally accepted way of dealing with this condition. And I still have hope!

So, What ever helps you deal with the loss is what you need to do. People mean well when the comfort us and share their ideas. I am thankful to those who respond to me, because it shows they care and they understand, and they try to be helpful and share their experiences and knowledge. I am glad we have each other on this BB.

People say to me that I should be thankful that I have not lost a limb, or my eye sight or something more vital! I say yes I am thankful. But loss of speech and ability to communicate is much greater than many understand. Our lives have been altered as a result of SD. It is with us with every breath and every utterance.

Many of us have been assertive, communicators and have been in leadership roles.

In your case your voice was your greatest asset and that led you to be one of the top account managers. And as a singer your voice brought you and people around you pleasure. You were able to share your art and your love through music and voice.

Learning a new trade is very difficult at our age. It is not impossible, but we wish we did not have to make that change. Because we all need money and it would be more fun to make money doing what we are good at and have been successful with in the past. So I do think it is a very difficult adjustment. For some of us a bigger challenge, depending on the severity of our case and the impact it has on our social and professional lives. You had mentioned Maya Angelou! did you know she did or could not speak for about five years............I think it was related to something different than we are dealing with. If I remember correctly it happened after she was raped as a young child by the boyfriend of her mother!

Any way, my reason for writing to you is to say I do understand and each of us has the right to grieve in our own pace. Grieving is a healthy process so long as we are in touch with where we are. It seems like you have a good balance of physical exercise and fun while being proactive.

I know that some of my friends and a few people on this BB may be wondering about why I am still searching for a cause and searching for a cure. Some may think I am still in denial or think I would be better off to accept my SD and realize there is no cure and move on. My answer is that I am moving....... on and my path of choice and it is different from the generally accepted way of dealing with this condition. And I still have hope!

So, What ever helps you deal with the loss is what you need to do. People mean well when the comfort us and share their ideas. I am thankful to those who respond to me, because it shows they care and they understand, and they try to be helpful and share their experiences and knowledge. I am glad we have each other on this BB.