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| Things NOT to Say to Someone with a Voice Disorder |  | ||
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Posted by: sojourner ® 02/25/2015, 11:04:27 |
I am working with a professor to develop resources/methods to help people with voice disorders communicate effectively with others what they need (from the listener(s)) in a conversation. For part of this, I am working on a list of "Things NOT to Say to Someone with a Voice Disorder". Of course, everyone is different and your list may be very different from mine, but here are my top few. If you don't mind, please share with me your thoughts, and I will add them to the list. Thanks!
I would like to think that you don’t notice the abnormal voice. I want to think that I am the only one who hears the distortion in my voice Have you tried “…”? If you only knew all the things that I have tried or the intensity with which I wish what you are suggesting would work. Unfortunately, it will not and your suggestion reminds me that there is no cure. It also makes me think that you believe that I am not trying hard enough. I know exactly what you are going through. Unless you have spasmodic dysphonia, you do not, and I know that. There are things associated with SD that you will never experience or understand. Just give me a call… My voice breaks when I try to use the phone. No amount of effort on my part helps. I can try to repeat myself, but the fact is that my voice will still break on the same sounds and you will still not be able to understand me. So, will this injection/voice treatment fix it? How many more injections will you need to get? So, is your voice all better now? Unfortunately, I have not yet found a cure. Until then, I choose to continue on the path that is currently giving me some level of success. I hate the treatments, but for now, they are my best solution. Are you sick? If I sound sick, chances are my voice is giving me trouble. Explaining is hard because talking is hard. Also, I am reminded again that people notice that I am having trouble with my voice. You should be glad that it is only your voice. Believe me; I am glad that it is not something worse. I am also sad that I can no longer talk without effort. I am sad that there are things that I can no longer do. Are you upset? You need to relax more. I wasn’t upset when the conversation started, but the harder I try to talk and fail, the more frustrated and tense I become. |
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Posted by: flatlandfilly ® 02/26/2015, 21:11:39 |
Them: "Your voice sounds good today."
Me: "Thank you." Them: "Have you tried......."
Them: "I know exactly what you are going through."
Them: "Just give me a call."
Them: "So, will this treatment fix it?"
Them: "Are you sick?"
Them: "You should be glad it is only your voice."
Them: "Are you upset? You need to relax more."
Sorry, couldn't resist that last one. It's hard not to feel sorry for ourselves I know. It seems so unfair that others talk and talk with ease and fluidity while we struggle to produce a choked, scratchy sound that stops and starts and others can't understand. NO FAIR!!! Oh well. I tell others I hate having the voice problem because I can no longer make obscene phone calls. People always recognize my voice! Most people get it and we have a good laugh. I can get away with that because I am a harmless middle aged lady.
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Posted by: dennis couch ® 02/27/2015, 20:36:49 |
After a botox shot once - I called my mother-in-laws house for something. She says 'you shut up" and hangs up on me. |
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Posted by: flatlandfilly ® 03/01/2015, 12:17:58 |
Did your m-I-l know it was you or did she think you were some weirdo? People have all sorts of reactions to our voices or lack thereof, don't they? I had the same thing happen to me when I called Red Lobster. The young woman who answered seemed to think I was a friend trying to pull some kind of prank on her. She, too, hung up on me. Boy was her face red when I showed up half an hour later and introduced myself. Cynthia |
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Posted by: tvantine ® 03/04/2015, 11:55:30 |
You all hit this spot on. Thank God I found more people with the same problem..yay. Just the other day some lady asked me if I had a voice problem. I told her Yes but it's not life threatening and I practice speaking and research remedies. It's called SD. I didn't know what else to say. Of course they notice. I sang most of my life. I can still sing and hum and of course whisper without spasms. It's only when I get nervous or have to explain something to someone that doesn't understand computer language or other stressful situations. There is no cure so I'm not trying botox. I practice relaxation and haven't even pursued any professional help. Why when there is so much on the internet that gives you advice and there is no known cure. I work on it every day. If negativity approaches me, I run. Being a Computer technician where I work has evolved into the most stressful position I thought possible. But, I do love my job. It's the people I deal with that are demanding. I'm coping and hope to just get better day by day. Thanks for listening! |
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Posted by: juliaroyalty06 ® 08/03/2016, 00:06:16 |
Several people had noticed my struggle prior to being diagnosed. Over the course of two months, I had seen three different doctors who thought I had laryngitis. Because it wasn't getting better, I was finally sent to an ENT to be diagnosed with SD. I had my first botox injection in the middle of July this year. It didn't seem like an option for me as I used to work 40 hour weeks in customer service. In order to accommodate me, I switched from second shift to third shift and have only been working 16 hours a week for five months due to my new position. Now that my voice is much stronger, I am able to return to second shift and get my hours back. It's really rough depending on what you do for a living. |
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Posted by: tvantine ® 03/04/2015, 12:08:53 |
Exactly Cynthia. I've tried the same thing. They always say WHAT? I then try so hard to speak clear but break up the words so they are more understandable. It's harder talking to my dad. I get nervous because he is almost deaf and it makes it harder to talk..haha. Both my parents understand and don't question me. They know I'm dealing with it and very successful in my job and home life. I'm a happy person but sometimes lose my voice. It didn't help after I raised my kids on my own that the parents wanted to move in next door..lol! Call it Quantum physics or acceptance. Thanks for listening,
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Posted by: dennis couch ® 03/05/2015, 19:18:35 |
She thought I was an obscene phone caller. Spanish is her first language so that didn't help either. |
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Posted by: irish ® 03/11/2015, 16:32:21 |
I have a friend who carries a card that explains the problem and that helps.
It says: "I have difficulty talking because of a condition called Spasmodic Dysphonia which affects my vocal cords. Please listen carefully. Thank you." |
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Posted by: wilmamyers ® 03/11/2015, 16:39:00 |
Sojourner, I have had SD since 1981. Made a Huge mistake and had the first operation with a Dr. in CA. Not much Good info. about SD then.
I agree with every one of your statements. I am dedicated to telling people know what I have and how to find a good Dr. that will help. I taught Fiber Arts for over 25 years in CA. and since 2013 have taught a group voluntarily at our local Library.They ALL are wonderful and pay attention. My voice is almost non existent, unless I try to talk in a high pitch. I do not take Botox any more, because it caused me to go on Oxygen, a huge nuisance.One of the Students is a newspaper reporter and she wrote a short article about SD in the local paper. I carry a card I made with me that states what I have and the NSDA address.
GOOD for you for voicing our problems. Sad that others do not listen.
I am the Area Contact Person in AZ. I have had many emails from locals. Thanks Wilma P. Myers in Sahuarita, AZ Modified by wilmamyers at Wed, Mar 11, 2015, 16:41:15 |
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Posted by: sojourner ® 03/14/2015, 05:57:11 |
Thank you for all your responses! Now, I'm going to ask the question from another angle (in another post), what should we say to help others understand what we need in order to communicate well. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated! |
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