Need a pep talk

I spent a few weeks just reading this bulletin board before I
actually posted something a few days ago. You guys have been
so supportive and helpful that it's becoming addictive to
post here and get your responses!

I was wondering if you guys can give me some advice on what
kinds of things you do to lift your spirits when you are
feeling depressed because of voice problems?

A lot of times lately, I don't feel like myself. It's very
frustrating to have things on your mind that you want to
say to people but not being able to express yourself clearly.
I was never a very gregarious person, but now I hesitate to say anything. I can't stop thinking about this problem. I feel distracted
during work. This is the last thing I think about before
I go to sleep and the first thing I think about in the morning.
And I also have problems sleeping through the night lately.
I have a couple of good friends who have told me to "try not
to think about it so much". But it's hard when you're surrounded
by people at work who are chattering effortlessly around you,
and then when someone comes to ask you a question and it takes
more effort and concentration to get the words out than it takes
to think of what you want to say.

I was feeling especially down last night. I was telling a good
friend of mine that this makes me feel limited in what I can
do in my career (I'm under 30) and that I'm worried about what
I'm going to do the next time I want to change jobs and have to interview, etc., etc. He told me that I shouldn't think that
way at all. He brought up the example of Stephen Hawking--the
famous physicist who can't speak or move due to a progressive
neuromuscular disease but yet has accomplished so much despite his
disability. I couldn't really argue with him on that point
and it did make me feel better somewhat.

Believe me, ALL of us know how you feel. Next time someone tells you not to think about it, tell him to tape up his mouth for a month and see how he feels.

You can't talk, but you can sing. Turn up your CD player and sing while you do something with your hands, such as making a cake or a gigantic salad. Read something silly. Paint a picture. Play computer games. Start a journal, if you haven't already (this is a GREAT project!) and write about happy things as well as depressing ones. Be on the lookout for happy things, in fact--a squirrel running across an electric wire, a patch of wild flowers on your way to work, a bird in a surprising place--all sorts of things that will give you pleasure reading later. If these don't work, try eating an entire box of chocolates. (grin) Hang on till June, kiddo.

Another thing you can try is meditation and/or prayer. Very comforting, and reassuring. There's a lot to be said about the power of Faith, no matter what your beliefs are. Sometimes it's nice to go for a long walk or hiking, and give yourself a pep talk. Away from the crowds, where you don't have to be on-guard in a conversation.

Like all of us, I'll bet you have your good days and bad days, with your voice. And we all get upset when our voices are causing problems. But just remember all the times your voice DOES work! Sure it's off and on, but realize that you WILL have good voice days.

Never give up experimenting with what helps or hurts your speech. You are your own best detective. Do certain foods or beverages make it worse? (with me it's caffeine...coffee and chocolate). Is it better right after you sing? How about PMS? And drinking alot of water? Just a few ideas to explore...

One of the things that has helped me cope is something you are doing already - using the internet. This has become my main support system in coping with SD. The fact that I am computer literate has alos been a big help in my work situation. I make sure I keep up to speed with my computer skills to compensate for the limitations caused my my voice problems. I work in a social work agency so everybody else can talk with no problem - but there are a lot of computer-phobics around so my computer skills are highly regarded.

I think if you are feeling down about your voice, you need to make sure that it doesn't magnify into something approaching a full-blown depressive illness. So do act on the advice you've already had about looking on the positive side, giving yourself treats and so on. But I also feel that it is 'normal' to have times when you feel depressed about your voice, after all most other people we meet just open their mouths and talk - no problem. If only we could do that. I have come to expect times when I feel quite depressed about this but I do my best to ensure that this feeling does not take over my life.

I FINALLY got funding for a palmtop that can also speak for me, which should eliminate some of the problems that people who don't like reading have. (or with waiting for me to finish writing a thought before they can read it. Some people are SO impatient!!) so we'll be ordering it right soon, and I'm hoping to have it even BEFORE school starts again in September, but I'm really looking forward to having it for the start of the next term/year. I've been too many without it!!(my last one was always broken, and the loaner I had, had an unreliable power supply.)
I'm also hoping/expecting that the fact that I've spent the money for an electronic device will also convince some of the more reluctant people to believe that I really DO need to use other methods than speech to communicate!! (Nothing annoys me more than people who figure that just because I CAN speak some of the time, that I SHOULD!!!)

Just on Monday we had to deal with Social Services, and unfortunately, I did have to communicate quite a bit, and it was in the morning (and I am NOT a morning person!) but I used my electronic organizer to do so, which helped. but I still got WAY overloaded LOTS of times!!! ){:~) if the worker didn't know or believe I was autistic before we left, she did after!! {:~) {:~) ) It was pretty bad. I do NOT do well ATA LL when being fired upon with questions. Of course, that has a lot to do with my auditory processing being crappy! {:~)

One approach that I've started to adopt in light of this disorder is to change my expectations of myself when it comes to speaking. I no longer judge myself on how well I spoke compared to others, or to my old voice. I just try to see how well I can do compared to my current voice. Just the fact that I continue to get up and speak is actually encouraging. It's much braver to try to speak when you physically can't than when you have all the ease of a properly working voicebox.

The challenge, and the measurement for success , becomes not how good I sound, but how much I let the disorder control me (my moods and actions) versus how much I triumph over the disorder by not letting it get in my way. Everytime I get up and speak in public (which in my job is quite a lot), I feel that I am winning.

Granted, some days I win, and many days the disorder wins.

Just know that there are others out here that know exactly what you're going through. (We are also the ones who would never give you the advice to not think about it. How can you not when every time you open your mouth you're reminded of it!)