If I had a terminally ill disease like cancer, then I could rationalize that my talents were needed elsewhere. If I were injured by another individual or myself, I could rationalize that free-will played it's ugly hand.

But why would a God just take away a vital function for seemingly no reason or purpose? I used to believe that we all had a purpose. Some choose to use their talents wisely others squander their opportunities & talents.

For someone that believed that they were living their life the way that might have been planned for me, I can not understand why a God would let this happen.

Have been thinking about setting up time with my local clergy to discuss, but thought I would see what someone else with SD might have to say first.

I hope that I have not drifted into a "taboo" area, but thought someone might have some words of wisdom that would help make the light go on for me with this issue.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

John

SD/AD

And like Will Blum responded, things happen in life beyond your control, it's all about how you respond to them. I find it hard to accept SD b/c it is so rare & most people don't understand it, b/c I just don't get how a person who used to be able to speak no longer can do so very easily, and b/c it does seem so insignificant to others but is really such a painful thing for me.

Maybe the point is to see how the little things that I took for granted (like having a voice) seem so important when they're gone.

Of course this sounds much more optimistic than I have been for the last 2 years but I'm working on staying positive. I have found the help of a therapist & group therapy (for other things, to, but also SD) to be very helpful. SD changes your life so much that I found I really do need help in dealing with it positively and learning to move on.

I appreicate your comment how it's hard for a man to deal with this. Not that it isn't hard for anyone, but that whole "men don't deal with emotions" thing, and then having this huge thing where we can't even now vocalize our meager attempts at getting all these emotions out. . . yeah, it can be tough.

But I'm sure that either man or woman, most of us have experienced the embarassment & difficulty this can bring in the workplace. It's tough to try to be professional, and sound competent and reliable, etc. etc. when your one tool for expression doesn't work right. I'm still a young man and don't think of myself as having found a real career yet but SD has certainly changed what I think I can do for a job and what my options really might be.

Anyhow, I know that there has to be a reason why we all have this SD and each of us just has to find it.

I am not a religious person, so should probably be the last choice to respond to a post about faith. But I also have been struggling with how to "go on" in the face of this seeming roadblock. SD certainly throws a monkey wrench into the works. It has shaken up my life order (perhaps even pointed out that there was no particular order) and I'm still struggling to come to terms with it, and how to imagine my life playing out. And I think that is normal. Not comfortable, but normal.

I have some lighthearted "wisdom" for you ("lighthearted" because of the source. :-) ) My dear husband and I have just immersed ourselves in the extended release DVD of "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" and this quote popped into my head when I read your post (I hope you have some knowledge of the book/movie so that this will make sense.) Frodo says, "I wish the ring had never come to me; I wish none of this had happened." (sound familiar anyone? ;-) ) And the wise Gandalf replies, "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

I think we can beat our head against the wall (wasting a lot of energy and hurting our noggins too) trying to determine "Why? Why me? Why this?" It comforts me to believe that things happen, and they just aren't fair, and there isn't a rhyme or reason. I believe that humans are amazingly adaptable (maybe not quickly adaptable, but with great capacity) and that good things can absolutely happen after bad (we can hear the world differently, meet people that enrich us, see places we wouldn't have, gain compassion, become an advocate, find another way.) And that we all have a purpose. By that I don't mean that there is a plan to fulfill, but that we all matter. That we can have purpose - regardless of our talents or limitations.

John, you've asked some very important questions, none of which I've necessarily helped with (!) but I'd like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to think about them "aloud."

I wish you well, Robin (AB/So. Calif.)

Yes, I do believe that we have all asked ourselves the very same question. I would bet that we also have asked ourselves why we are making such a big deal out of it when we can still carry on all our other life functions with ease. Certainly it's easier to deal with not having a clear voice than not being able to see, hear, or walk.

My reasoning on the first question seems to be coming down along lines similar to what others have said, in particular about giving us what we can handle. I think the biggest change I've noticed in me is that I'm much more understanding and comfortable around others with physical challenges than I used to be.

Plus, if one feels like taking the talents needed elsewhere approach , then maybe the idea is to help us bring about greater knowledge & awareness of SD (similar to what Michael J Fox is doing with Parkinsons).

As to the 2nd question, I think the cause of the stress has to do with awareness. People are used to the idea that some cannot hear or see (for example) or for that matter wear glasses to help them see when they used to have 20/20 vision, so they're used to making accomodations in their minds about how to deal with them. So few people (ourselves included) understand the idea of losing the voice that they don't think or can't make that same mental leap. We associate voices with being strong, confident, beautiful, etc., and are not prepared yet to deal with seeing those same traits in the person even if the voice isn't there to represent it.

As my husband says, "I don't see how taking medicine or botox is really any different than wearing glasses."

I hope we will all someday come to that same level of understanding/accomodation.

"Caroline Myss, Ph.D., is the author of the best-selling "Anatomy of the Spirit" and Why People Don't Heal and How they Can and a pioneer and international lecturer in the fields of energy medicine and human consciousness. Since 1982 she has worked as a medical intuitive: one who "sees" illness in a patient's body by intuitive means. She specializes in assisting people in understanding the emotional, psychological, and physical reasons why their bodies develop illness. She has also worked with Dr. C. Norman Shealy, MD, PhD, founder of the American Holistic Medical Association, in teaching intuitive diagnosis. . . ."

I should add here that in addition to the spiritual perspective that Myss presents, she also explicitly and ardently advocates that people pursue traditional medical treatments for their illnesses. Another note -- One of the big points she makes is the trap many of us with illnesses fall into, that of "woundology," to use her word. Basically, she's talking about the tendency to adopt the perspective of the victim. Many people take on the victim role and play it out for their entire lives, to their detriment . . . Unfortunately, I don't have time to write more now, but just wanted to recommend this book as food for thought, today before Thanksgiving.

Basically, I believe that no matter how pointless and awful things seem, everything does has a reason and rhyme. May sound New-Agey, but if you believe in Spiritual Growth, or even Karma (past or present, depending on your belief) then there is a lesson to be learned from SD. Maybe it is being able to listen more to other people. Or to help find a cure. Or a test of our own faith...something we need to overcome. OR, maybe it's because Sh*t Happens in life (pardon the French). But no matter how you look at it, there's always people somewhere on this Earth who HAVE overcome their problems. And they are the ones who strengthen our faith.

There was a client who came in to the recording studio last night (my work). She was reading a book...about a man who grew up in South Africa, and endured all the BS of Aparthied (sp?). She said, "I used to feel bad about myself, being poor and not having the things other people have. Then I read this book, and realize this man went through real poverty, his mom had to prostitute herself to feed her family, all the suffering they went through...Now I don't feel I had it so bad". We agreed, things can always be worse elsewhere. SD does make you wonder WHY ME, but instead of seeing the glass half-empty, maybe we need to try and see it as half-full.

Keep the faith that in this age of Technology, we're getting closer to a real cure!

Happy Thanksgiving

--Fancynancy--

AB SD/tremor/MTD?, central CA.

Happy Thanksgiving to all....

As my bother was just saying yesterday as we were talking,things happen in life that are out of your control. Life happens and nobody knows why. But it is how we choose to respond that can either be ennobling or sel-degenerating. In trying to stay positive in lie, I am finding a new self-esteem and self-respect that wan't there for a long time. And unlike how I used to think, it hasn't been until recently, as I'm learning to ask for help and support, tha I've gotten there. I always thought that a man handles things himself, but SD has shown me that alot of times that is making myself sufer for no reason.

But anyways, on Thanksgiving today I'd like to say I am happy to be alive, I am happy that I haven't had to experience major suffering like war or polio or terrible poverty, and happy to just start having a new life.

Happy Holiday.

I think your question is a good one but one that is essentially incapable of being truly answered. As a former ordained minister, pastor and college/seminary professor for nearly 15 years I too have struggled with that question. (My doctoral thesis was on the nature of existential doubt among believers). The reason why we suffer from SD (or any other illness, disease etc) is really the part of a much larger question that theologians call the "problem of evil." The question of the problem of evil has a long and varied history, from Augustine's time to the present, and is undoubtedly the greatest challenge to Christian theism. Although the argument was been given various twists over the years its essence can be basically stated as follows:

1). If God is all good and loves all human beings, it is reasonable to believe that he wants to deliver the creatures he loves from evil and suffering, 2). If God is all knowing, it is reasonable to believe that he knows how to deliver his creatures from evil and suffering. 3). If God is all-powerful; it is reasonable to believe that he is able to deliver his creatures from evil and suffering.

Of course, this is where the “rub” is. This cognitive dissonance is what creates such problems for theists when they find themselves or others suffering.

Obliviously, I cannot go into much more detail here. But if you would like to "discuss" this with an individual who has greatly struggled with my own personal issues as well as the human condition in general I'd be happy to correspond with you further.

Why any of us(?). But, I must say you started a thread and "topic" which touched people's hearts. Thanks for putting yourself out there.

Admittedly, I remember when you came on the BB a couple of years back but I got you confused with John Beeman at that time. Two John B's. Where are you located and do you have a local support group?

There is nothing I can add to the wisdom and compassion others have expressed in their responses to you in this thread. Only two thoughts (based on personal experience): Thought One: I despaired for years, unable to talk and losing my life savings and what finally brought me back (digging out of a very deep dark hole) was realizing I was not alone in my struggles with SD. Meeting SD'ers in person and making connections with people walking the same path. As Will said, symposiums make a big difference. There, we meet in person.

Thought Two: It may take some time for you to work through the issues of "why me?" and depression and anger and bitterness. Give yourself that time. And, when you've worked through that important personally-revealing process, you will better understand what you are all about, as a human. At that point, you will want to give back. You'll want to ensure that other patients benefit from your experience. The best solution for our pain is to give back and help a new patient.

It may sound corny but I can truly say that SD is the best thing that ever happened to me. It is the defining moment of my life. Yes, I lost everything (career, money, family, friends, etc) but my *second-life* is more fulfilling. I'm way poorer, but as others have reflected upon - I've gained much more. I focus more clearly on what is important. Smell the roses everyday. I enjoy listening to others talk these days, even to the sound of their voices and the intricacies of what they are saying (content) compared to how they are using their vocal instrument. I don't spend time dealing with stuff that doesn't matter anymore. The "friends who really weren't" are no longer a part of my life. I've replaced the people who didn't like my SD voice with many others who think I sound great, because they have SD also.

John - I hope you search out the support systems which work for you in your journey, whether it is with clergy or a group of SD'ers locally or just staying in touch with this bulletin board community. It "is" a test; but, in my experience, SD'ers are very strong people and we always *pass the test* in our own incredible way.

Best wishes and please stay in contact.